hold my hand when lights go down
by speedofloveSK
Summary: "Thank you." She says, eyes boring hard into him, making their way through his soul. She could have stayed silent; he would have heard all the same. "I couldn't do it without you, Castle. I couldn't dream of a better partner." One-shot based on a tumblr prompt.


~ hold my hand when lights go down ~

Four hours.

It's been four hours since his wife came home and retreated straight into the bedroom, without even so much as a _hello._

He had been in his office; editing the chapters he had been supposed to send Gina weeks ago when he had heard her coming, and he had just waited as always, figuring out she just would know where he was.

Indeed, that's what she had done but something was different tonight. She hadn't walked to him with her usual natural grace despite the evidences of weariness carved in her face. The kind of weariness that was born of longs days tracing down murderers, of long hours trying to make sense of phone records, security camera footages, hours of reading into people's behaviour and running down streets in those crazy heels.

She once told him that she loved that kind of tiredness once a case was closed; when it meant she finally could make all the tension go away with a hot bath and sometimes...more than just a bath. Though she was now on 'light duties' - spending much of her day metaphorically chained to her desk, due to being nearly six months pregnant- she still more often than not, came home looking the same. Her pregnancy easily replaced her usual work and it seemed to wear her down as much - if not more. But still, she was always coming home to him with a delicate smile -maybe even brighter the past few months- , her hands usually set over her expending belly, her eyes cracking with both exhaustion and relief at the sight of him.

She would walk slowly over to him, standing just at the back of his chair and she would hunch close to him as much as her growing belly would allow her. She would rest her chin in the crook of his neck silently inhaling his scent - not that she would ever admit to it. She never looked at the screen of his laptop - said that she didn't want to spoil the fun - but he sometimes caught her eyes slowly shifting to the screen before quickly setting back on him. And finally, she would let both of her hands roam down his chest, subtly letting her slender fingers toy with the buttons. She'd bring her mouth so close to his ear that he could feel the silky feel of her lips and the hot puffs against his skin, setting his insides on fire. She always seemed to know the effect she had on him and with the corners of her lips quirking upwards, would huskily whisper how much she had missed feeling his eyes protectively hover over her belly, missed his light touches making her want to drag him in the restrooms and have her way with him. And that usually lead to less talk and more touches.

But not this time.

This time, she had walked past him without even a single look, had gone into their bedroom not even bothering to close the door behind her. He'd followed her, and watched worriedly as she climbed into their bed, still wearing her work outfit, pulling the covers up over her head. Not a word was spoken, not any kind of sound was to be heard but she could have been crying; he knew she could cry and yet he wouldn't know it, if he wasn't looking at her.

He had tried to talk to her out of it, tried to push down the covers, tried to make her talk but nothing had made a difference. She had just tightened her grip on the covers around herself and whimpered something that had sounded like 'go away'. That's what he had done. He knows when to give her space now, he knows she will come to him when she's ready. Still, he hated it, not knowing why, it eats at him not knowing what has her hiding away from him. While she visibly didn't appear to want his words or touches, he had an idea. He'd still have to get her out of bed but it would cheer her up and, hopefully it would make her open up to him.

Now, he needs lots of pillows, sheets and some other bedding, that he thinks is upstairs in the guest room they still have to turn into a nursery. Kate wanted to wait a while longer though, so wait was what they'd done. It's with both arms full of pillows and sheet of any kind, that he walks down the stairs - almost tripping at the last step. Well, shouldn't hurt too bad with all that.

He then takes a look at the room, trying to find the perfect spot snapping his fingers once he has. He abandons the pillows and comforters on the couch and pushes the coffee table out of the way, he then walks to the kitchen island to take one of the stools and sets it in front of the couch at a distance of two big steps. After that, he goes get another of the stools, positioning the item at the same distance of the couch and next to the other stool letting some space in between. He lays down a couple of pillows on each sides from the stools to the couch trying to keep them up. He then unfolds a dark brown sheet and hooked them to the back of the chair making them go down to the pillows close to the couch, trapping the fabric under them and trapping the part of the sheet at the back of the chairs with some strong adhesive tapes. He stands before the pretty big fort, arms crossed before him, a look of satisfaction lighting up his face, despite his concern for Kate. This thing could win a fort competition.

Looking at the floor he slightly frowns, because even if there's a pretty soft carpet he can't make his six months pregnant wife lay down just on the hard floor. This is a big flat no. He suddenly raises his head, eyes widening as he remembers he still has a pretty thick comforter he didn't need to use left on the couch. He takes it and unfolds it but not entirely, just enough so he can put it down in a long rectangle that could fit her body and still be thick enough, he doesn't forget to add two big pillows so she can rest easily.

Now that he is happy with his fort he quickly goes back to the kitchen making them two jelly sandwich in case she's hungry. She had been back at one and hadn't eaten before disappearing into the bedroom. He heavily sighs as he walks to their bed, getting down on both his knees. She's still silent, she hasn't moved.

He firmly grips the sheet and uncover her whole body and there she is, curled around her belly, her blood shot eyes immediately settling on him. Okay, so she had been crying.

His throat is suddenly tight at the sign of the distress that has taken over her dark green eyes and he just has to get her out of here.

"Come on, Kate. I know you don't wanna but if you don't get up on your own I'm gonna have to carry you." He tries to sound as serious as he can as he tilts his head on a side looking at her as if to say "try to get me to back down as much as you want but it won't happen."

Her eyes leave him and settle on the mattress at her side as she almost inaudibly mumbles. "Richard Castle, you do that and this kid will be the last you'll have been able to give me."

He chuckles at her and his eyes soften as he gets back on his feet, extending a hand for her. "Then up you go."

She watches him, seems to consider him as her eyes shift to his hand and then back at his face, her mouth slightly twisting. "Fine." She lets out with a loud exhale as she push her body with one hand against the mattress coming to a sit and then taking his hand to stand before him looking at him warily. Her soft golden curls are hiding most of her face.

And he doesn't like it. He doesn't like what he sees right now when she's usually vibrating with so much joy and light that it becomes contagious, so he draws her to him, closing his strong arms around her . Her belly prevents him being able to hug her as 'close' as he wishes - getting in the way - but he takes in comfort that it's their baby trapped between them both, taking part in the embrace. Kate is gripping fiercely at his back her face just under his chin and he can really tell that she is desperate for the way she's clutching him.

Nudging her he takes her hand and leads her out of the bedroom and office, only stopping once in front of the fort's entrance. She says nothing but he sees a hint of amusement back in her eyes, alongside with something so warm he can't put a word on it. Her lips widen on a shy smile and she slowly shakes her head going down on her knees to carefully crawl in still keeping a grip on his hand so he can only follow.

She settles on the thick comforter propped on the pillows he added and she looks back at him with wide open eyes not even trying to hide anything anymore. He sees it all. Amusement, gratefulness, love but the desperation is still here somewhere in the back, threatening to come back.

It seems that the air is buzzing with the intensity of it all around him, he's drawn to her by some force and there's nothing he can -want- to do. So, he let his upper body incline to her one hand bracing him and the other one coming to lay against her cheek, cupping her jaw as she got much closer as well. He keeps their lips apart for a few seconds letting the tension rise inside them both, letting it crackle around them until all he can do is fuse his mouth to hers first in a chaste firm press. Then he lets the kiss come alive on its own. He can feel her opening wide against him giving him free entry, and they both moan trying to get even closer to each other. Her moves are frantic as desperate as her eyes were and he lets her have it. He lets her take comfort in him and he gives it all back.

She's the one to part first lips swollen and glistening, a little breathless as he is. She takes the hand that isn't supporting him and lays it above her belly where she knows their boy likes to rest, sliding her hand above it all as she stare at the ground again.

"I don't know if I can do it, Castle." Her voice is weak, wavering and he inclines his head to have a better look at her face but a curtain of hair won't let him. "I almost didn't come home, Castle. If the boys hadn't be there I wouldn't have come home." She slowly said as her breathing started to speed up her body heaving with it. "I almost got killed and our baby with it. I-" She interrupts herself when Castle pushes her chin up, making her look at him.

"Kate. What happened ? You didn't even- They didn't. You were supposed to stay at your desk." He hears his voice almost pleading, but fuck. She almost _died_?

"And I did" She lets out with a humourless smile translating clearly "and yet, it happened. Don't you know I'm doomed"

"Then how the h-"

"I don't know how, Rick. All I know is, one minute I'm reading a file and waiting for the clock to hit one and the other I hear Ryan yell at me to get down because some crazy son of a bitch is trying to shoot at me." She explains watching him seriously and taking his hand back in hers, squeezing hard. "I don't know how it happened I didn't want to know and got out of there as soon as they would let me. They didn't tell you because I told them not to and I'm sorry but-"

"You didn't want me on your back so you could hide from it ? Jeez, Kate, aren't we passed that ?"

"I am. We are. I would have told you. I am, now. There's nothing much you could have done, I needed my space and I-. Castle, will I ever stop being a target ?" Her voice is a plaintive whimper as she asks and he once again takes her in the safe walls of his arms, making her sit between his legs. "I was at my desk, I was being careful. You have to trust me." She adds looking up at him, begging him to believe her. "I thought I was doing everything right, keeping him safe and I failed." She chokes on a sob and he tightens his hold reassuring himself that she's not gone, that she's here and lays a cheek against the top of her head. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be a mom." Her voice sounds so small it breaks his heart, the way her body shakes against him and he strokes her back, letting her get it out.

"You'll be an amazing mom, Kate Beckett-Castle. You already are. Ever since we've known about him, you've always done what's right and I'm so proud of you. I'm so amazed by the way you love him, Kate. The time you spend talking and singing to him day or night, your hands always stroking and poking where he's always resting, communicating with him. You'll never fail him, your love won't let it happen. This kid is so lucky to have you, I'm pretty sure he will be enamoured with you."

He looks down at her and sees a shy smile quickly widening, making her eyes shine when she rises her head to watch his face intently and then looking all around them at the brown sheet and pillows. He swallows hard as she lays her eyes back on him, getting on her knees before him and he feels her hands so soft against his cheeks, sees her eyes searching his face and then locking with his own now blurry eyes, the love he feels pouring out of her, overwhelming him so he cannot even move.

She slowly stroke her thumbs against his skin and smiles, choking on a short breathy laugh as emotion seems to get at her, too. She spontaneously crashes her lips against his own, screwing her eyes shut. Once she retreated she slide one thumb against his lips and rests her forehead against his, noses brushing gently.

"I think you're pretty amazing too, Castle."

He laughs softly and bring a hand above one of hers on his cheek, gripping gently. Taking time to admire the way her eyes are bright again, so full of love.

"Thank you." She says, eyes boring hard into him, making their way through his soul. She could have stayed silent; he would have heard all the same. "I couldn't do it without you, Castle. I couldn't dream of a better partner." And once again she looks around her another smile comes to stretch her lips and now she looks at him incredulously. "Thank you so much." She repeats now coming to lay in his arms again, snuggling.

"Always." He warmly responds, squeezing her.

* * *

Feeling like writing some sweet little thing. Hope you'll enjoy.

Prompt was : Beckett is about six or seven months pregnant and she's feeling sad and emotional and paranoid that everything is going to go wrong and she doesn't want to do anything but lie in bed under the covers. So Castle builds them a fort out of bed sheets and pillows and they hide out all day while Castle reads to her. (I just didn't do the bit about him reading to her because it didn't seem right with the way I went with it so...yeah.) via the Castle fanfics prompts.


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